(that's a given).
I just want to know what time it is; I just want to know where my bike is; I just want a glass of water with ice in it and I really don't care that's it's from the tap; I just need to get to work and see how that goes.
I walk outside and it is
too
damn
bright.
It's the Heat and Houses.
The scorching heat. And here, it sticks around for most of the year.
The scorching heat that sticks to the sidewalk
and sticks to the blisters on your feet
and sticks to the houses
sticks to the light
And that's really going to suck TODAY on THIS bike ride.
I'm just going to bike in this heat and light until
I'm not left with anything, until I don't notice the landscape
or remember my childhood anymore.
The photo of the bike is not a photo I took. It comes from this link: http://offmetro.com/sf/7721/long-beach-biking/
ReplyDeleteAgain, the video is my own stop motion and it can be found at this link:
http://www.youtube.com/user/leezorz133
Brittany Gibson
ReplyDeleteENG4815
Critique
Overall, I think your blog was effective. When you first enter the blog you are immediately thrown into a video that is really interesting and captured me and I wanted to watch the whole thing but I really think it would have been more effective if you had it a little bit more imbedded in the post. The post is shorter and I think if you added just a little bit more to the content it would offset the presence of a picture and a video. I loved how you said you were riding a bike, “this bike.” And then showed a picture of a bike. I immediately had a visual of not only what the bike looked like but where you were going on the bike. The second post of “I live on a beach not a postcard,” is, first off a great title, but also very busy. The videos are really interesting and visually dynamic but I think you have a little too much going on. All of the pictures and videos were distracting while reading the post and trying to decipher the different emotions. That being said, all of the pictures and videos were placed very well and the over all structure is very good. It kept the flow relatively smooth. The different texts and fonts to show dialogue was a different technique but effective. It was fresh to the eyes to see different font effects instead of a million quotation marks. The pictures that you chose are perfect. Each one captures what you are saying almost perfectly and put a new image in the eyes of the reader with every emotion change, scene change, conversation change, and so on. I would cut back a few of the pictures just so the reader can really focus on your writing. You are a really good writer and everything is very well written and emotionally connected. I really enjoyed your blog and I look forward to seeing the next posts!
This post is pretty interesting. I love the grouping and the alignment of the text, and I also thought it was cool how the title of the post also serves as the first line of the post. I especially like the emphasis placed on "too damn bright." The way that this phrase is broken up on the page, I can actually hear the way the author is meant for those words to be spoken. Italics and words in all caps also make a point of emphasis, and it is well done here. The italics used for the line "here, it sticks around for most of the year" emphasize not only how miserable the heat can be, but it also helps the reader place the setting of the story. Clearly the story is taking place somewhere with a tropical climate. The all-caps emphasis on "THIS bike," immediately followed by a photo of a bike not only allows the reader to see the bike, but also the setting for where the bike ride might take place (which is consistent with the setting portrayed by "here, it sticks around for most of the year.")
ReplyDeleteThe stop motion video, while very well done and very interesting, seemed a bit out of place. Maybe I just don't get it, but I'm not sure how the video relates to the text. The musical choice for the video definitely helps to set the tone of the post, so that was a great choice.
The post itself, while heavy on overall content, is a bit light on written text. I feel like I was able to grasp the point of the post, but I would suggest giving the reader just a little bit more. Ambiguity can be good, but you also want to make sure that the reader can fully grasp the entire concept.
Overall, really nice work.